On my birthday, I awoke with dread from an email. Yes, one of those emails. The one that says “you’re doing it wrong”. I cried. I called for help. I finally had had enough of the stress, and decided that I could not do this to my life. This angst, this fear when I turn on the computer. Oh yeah, and it was my 53rd birthday.
I’ve lost weight the right way. 15 pounds in 3 months or so. Perfectly slow, which is what I wanted, because I don’t want to lose the muscle. I also counted calories, using The Daily Plate…because I get in a trap that I’ve run 8 miles, so I deserve a burger. And fries. And maybe a milkshake. Well, this time, I didn’t do that. I counted. I ate right.
Harley Guy and I have had movement in a very positive direction. We ended our 13 month relationship. I focused on my recovery. I cleaned up my past with amends and worked on the maintenance steps of our program. I got healthier than I have ever been when it comes to relationship addiction. Then, of course, we discovered that we are both still in love with each other. We spent some precious time together, and then both came to terms with the realities of the relationship: We are 100 miles apart, to start with. We have some different and possibly conflicting ideas about how to spend our adulthood. I have teenagers, he has some adventurous dreams of his own. That kind of stuff. That being said, we are going to see where this goes. We are together…but neither one sure of what will happen. I remain, in love with him, and he with me. Very interesting turn of events.
Then I hit a mental wall. And, I pray it’s a coincidence. That none of the above made it happen…because, I have trouble with balance on good days. Last week, I was just tired. I looked at my schedule. 9 or so weeks to go of six days of running. And I just went…um…no. The last few runs have been very sluggish. I went to a spiritual retreat last weekend and ate like the end of the world was coming, and added 2 pounds.
Today, I made an 8 mile run at 11:53, when it should have been 11:45-11:15. I had to fight to stay under 12:00. I missed my tempo run on Sunday due to hours of driving, so I kept up with the schedule.
Funny about the Hanson plan. I am stronger at the end of every run. I save the last .2 miles for sprinting of some sort. I have 10 tomorrow. I pray I have not hit a wall, because I have a hell of a long way to go.