If not now, when?

Archive for the ‘running injury’ Category

2 Weeks Out

In two weeks, I’ll toe the line again for a half marathon.  The same race I’ve run so many times, and my comeback from last summer’s injury.  I’ve been patiently crossing off the workouts, and noticed today that there are so many S’s on this page.  A month ago, I had a 10 day illness that had me crazed from not being about to train.  Two days ago, I woke with a similar scratchy throat feeling.

So.  I’m 2 weeks out.  Only one more long run of 9 miles on Wednesday coming up, but I can’t shake that same feeling.  I could have done more.  I could have trained harder.  These thoughts are followed by the notion that you cannot go back.  You simply have to show up on race day with what you have.

The hay is in the barn, but it’s sort of wobbly, stacked funny.  I’m not sure if all the pistons will be firing correctly on that morning, but there is simply nothing to do about it now, except…go forward.  I’m excited, no matter how the race comes out, because last summer, I was begging the gods for just one more chance.  You have no idea how much you want to run…when you can’t.

Hay_Barn

Category:

13.1, half marathon, running, running injury

panic at the disco.

Last Saturday, I ran 5 miles.  Ran/Walked my 3/1 recovery run.

It was the most amazing run.  Fun and exhilarating.

Reclaiming the other side of the tracks, so to speak.

Sunday I woke with a bruise on the top of my foot.

Right over the exact spot of my Summer injury.

I’m resting the foot, just lifting weights.

And several times a day, I’m looking at the thing…like

“Is this real?  Am I imagining things”

I ask my friends…does this look like a bruise to you?  Does it?

I have my doctor’s appointment in 10 days.  I plan on taking it easy.

Because now.  This just got real.  And you, if you’re planning on starting a run program?

Then.  This picture is for you.

Category:

running injury

this is what it feels like.

I’m looking at 6 days.

I have tried, I really have.

But.  Even if they cut off my foot

And even if they make me wear some funky thing forever.

I will be running.

Six days.

14 weeks of non-running.

I think I’ve earned it.

Category:

running injury

acceptance.

 

I’m in a holding pattern.

In the last few weeks, I’ve become quiet to the issue of running or not running again.  My body is starting to forget that I used to run.  My running shoes are now gym shoes.  Going to the market shoes.  My clothing is tucked away…and I have slowly watched myself get out of running mode.

Losing running this Summer was devastating at first.  I’m not an overly fit person normally.  I found running at such a late stage of my life, that it was really not part of my persona.  But.  It is now.  I look longingly at people running in the heat…like a dog at the window wanting to go outside.

So, I tried not to gain too much weight (I think I’m at 7 pounds right now), and I tried to do the best I could at getting in exercise…and also became aware that I might not be able to run again.  Ever.  So, I’ve done a little grieving about it, and have gotten into acceptance.

In one week I go to the doctor.  If he says I can’t run, I will be okay.  I have enough of everything I’ve ever needed.  I have so far been blessed with 3 years of runs and races.  I have met friends that I have reconnected with, who don’t run anymore either, or have shifted away from that obsessive-compulsive behavior…who are more well-rounded.  They have shared with me ways they dealt with the shift of a new type of life…not one where every weekend is built around a race.

Still.  I am hoping for the best.  I am hoping I can run right out of the doctor’s office.  If not, I have accepted my limitations…and I’m okay with that.

Category:

running injury

we are close.

we are very very close.

after today.  there will be 15 days.

and on the 15th day when i close my eyes.

the next day.  that will be the day

i can go to the doctor and i can run.

or he can tell me i can run.

this absence of running has me abs0lutely smackered.

the treadmill is my new friend, and

even 60 minutes of straight cardio on 3 venues.

well.  it isn’t the same.

i have lifted.  i’m familiar with all the gym people.

but for me?  i have to run.  it’s in my soul.

i wanna play this game of water tag too :)

 

Category:

running injury

Treadmill Love. August. Day 2.

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I will have to admit.  When I see people running on the treadmill, I have often thought…gee, why would you want to get on that thing when you have the WHOLE outdoors at your disposal?  A few times, I have had to run on the treadmill.  I mean, like 2 times max.  I would rather run in the heat or the freezing rain than have to run in the same place over and over and over.  So, in 5 years of running, I may have used this machine in only dire straights.  At our gym, they have TVs hooked on them…so, add to the stabbiness of using the machine, I now get claustrophobia as well.

I was cleared on Monday to start walking on the treadmill.  I didn’t go to the gym.  I just avoided the thing altogether.  I just couldn’t bring myself to workout in this fashion.  Plus, by coincidence, my foot started to hurt.  Like my middle cuneiform was screaming…don’t DO that!  Don’t use that machine!  Wait until I’m all healed so that you can run like a proper athlete.

But.  Today.

I went to the gym, forcing myself to step on the machine.  It scared me.  Not for the reasons you think.  Not because I can’t use it, but because, I simply want to run.  I was afraid if I stepped on there, that I would just start running, and harm my chances of ever coming back.  I started at 2.5mph for 15 minutes.  I was so bored.

And then I thought…I better learn to love this thing.  This is my recovery, and there is no use hating the thing until I get back to running.

So.  I walked for .64 of a mile.  I burned 60 calories.  And, I will count my miles until August 27th, when I can hopefully HOPEFULLY run.

 

Category:

running, running injury, treadmill

August Love. Day 1.

I have always loved August, the ugly step-child of Summer.   Most people love June, with the onset of school being out and the relief that comes with that.  July is when Summer is in full swing.  Fourth of July, dinners out, weekends at the Hamptons.  Or wherever people go.

But August.  People start to dread going back to work, shopping for school clothes, binders and backpacks.  In fact, around here, school starts around August 9th.  I mean, there is literally no Summer left at this point.  We used to be able to shop for Fall clothes for, well, FALL.  Now? It’s hot until the end of September at least, so kids just go back to school in their Summer gear.

I remember as a young bride (the first time), I would get my August issue of Good Housekeeping, and read all the recipes and sit in the air conditioned house silently wishing for Summer to be over.  I LIKE it when it’s cold outside, forcing me in the house.  I would cook dinners for that husband who worked long and hard as a laborer, and then as a contractor.  But.  I wouldn’t leave the house.

I liked August also because I was self conscious in the Summer.  I was never bikini ready, even as a 20 year old, so all that pool and lake stuff was not appealing to me.

There’s hope in August, too.  Everyone’s attention is going toward non-Summertime activities.   The hope that all the stuff that couldn’t happen in the Summer, could happen in the Fall.

Which is exactly what this post is about.  I have no job.  I look daily.  I’m very lucky to have landed a sort of part time gig that will pay into my retirement…and I’m only 6 months away from being able to pull the whole thing…to live happily ever after.  School will start soon, and while I wish I could join the working crowd, I don’t long for the all night grading sessions, the teachers’ meetings or the inane minutia that goes with the job.

This August, I am focusing on Running Love.  Day 1 brings me the most favorite Nike Ad ever.  Leave your old self behind.  I can’t run.  But I get to.  On August 27th.  I hope.

So, instead of regretting my lost running Summer, I am embracing the hope that comes with the change of the seasons.  That instead of the Tucson Marathon, I will be running another one…somewhere else, and much later.  Life changes.  You can buy the bib, but you can’t always control the ability to use it.

Here we go.  Bring me some August Love.

Category:

running, running injury, summer

GymRat

So.  Here’s the deal.

4 weeks in a cast.  4 weeks in a boot.

and now.

6 weeks of Non-Running.

I felt sorry for myself.  I did.

Everyone who knows me, knows I brought my running shoe when the boot was removed

As if…as if I could run out of the doctor’s office.  But.  No.

I gained 5 pounds, then more.

Mostly from inactivity, but also from self-pity.

I am now more determined than ever.

Not only to get my body run-ready.

But to get my mind out of the proverbial gutter of woe.

I am also mightily addicted to Hipstamatic, so I coupled my passion for photos…

with my passion for rediscovering the gym.

And waking up muscles that have been dormant.

The last few weeks, I’ve gotten a schedule going.

I saw sweat.  I burned.  I felt that great soreness the day after.

I lifted upper body, then worked on the core with the Nike Trainer Club app.

I did elliptical, bike and pool running from this site, sent by ultrarunnergirl Kirsten.

I’m journaling like a fiend on Livestrong’s Daily Plate App.

I’m trying to eat non-processed.  Well.  Except for the Diet Coke problem I have.

I’m adding protein, and trying to follow The Skinny Rules.

I had oatmeal and eggs for breakfast.  

Garlic steak & a protein banana berry smoothie post workout.

And yeah.  I got my focus back.

In the last picture, you can see the leg on the left that has atrophied.

Zero muscle compared to the right.

4 weeks.  2 days.  Until I can run, I’ll be at the gym.

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Category:

gym, running injury

six.more.weeks.

you know how you were little and your parents said christmas was close

and you thought that meant, like tomorrow?

or how they said we’ll be off this windy road in 20 minutes

and it was another 2 hours?

yeah.  like that.

the doctor said today…after 8 weeks…that there are 6 more weeks.

and then.  i can run.

for now.

i can wear a shoe.

i can do the elliptical, bike, and swim.

in 2 weeks i can take a walk.  a leisurely walk.

i had brought my shoe to the doctor because i wanted to run.  tonight.

i asked him about the marathon in december.

he shook his head no.

i have to take 50,000 mg of vitamin d a week

*note to the old gals…do this one now*

i was near tears.  crushed.

and then i remembered, i have bad circumstances right now

how i feel about those circumstances in not as important…

as what i do about them.

i am not dying.  but it feels bad.

it’s a small caps kind of day and yet.

i remain hopeful.  i am blessed in more ways than i can count.

i can wear a shoe.  there’s one.

Category:

running injury

the boot dance is nearly over.

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Three days before my last marathon, I taped my foot, hoping for the best.

That was April 19th.

I went to the doctor who sent me to get an X-ray, and he said.

Do not run.

There was no break, so I said no worries, I can do it…and he ordered an MRI.

Which didn’t get approved in enough time.

So I ran a full marathon, and then a half marathon, and then did the MRI.

I was casted.

I was booted.

And now.  It’s 2 days away from my last appointment with the doctor.

Who will hopefully say I’m good.

I’m tired of the dance.

It’s been a long summer and 6 pounds back on my body.

I’m ready to pay the piper, and end this dance.

The end.

 

Category:

running injury

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