Gymnotes

I’m running The Marine Corps Marathon on October 31, 2010.  I’m raising funds for the Diabetes Action Team.  Go HERE if you’d like to donate, or join me in running the Marathon.  It’s sold out, and only a $500 fundraising commitment.  Thanks for supporting TEAM LALA.

A few weeks ago, I wrote this post about Twitter becoming my real life.  This morning, I sit in San Antonio, Texas by the good graces of more Twitter friends.  I’ve decided that using the term “real life” doesn’t really work for me anymore.  I’ve written before, how in 1988 I did AA meetings online, “met” people online, but they stayed online.  Most people I met from that era, were just sorta odd.  Probably including me.

A few years ago, I was on the Weight Watcher message boards.  No, make that 7 years ago.  I met some women, we started a Yahoo group, and we mostly exchanged information there.  Then, we decided to meet.  There were 13 of us.  What is left of us, is 6 girls who meet every summer.  Yes, they started out online, but they have become my real friends.  We have a blog.  We check in daily.

I never did take to Facebook, and I’m within days of permanent deletion (on my third try), because yes, I love to look at all your details, and I will, wasting 4 hours at a time.  It’s just not really good for me.

I found Twitter a year ago.   I’ve met many people, most of whom have turned out to be really great people.  And, those connections have evolved.  Just like life, your interests change, your focus changes, and your support team changes.  I’ve been using Twitter primarily for fun and for free.  Chit chatting at 140 characters at a time. 

And then, this summer hits.  And, the above mentioned blog post was about hooking up and having fun in San Diego.  It was a blast.  I came home, and had a week without my children, as they were in Los Angeles with my Mom and Dad.  And my cousin’s Dad died (last post), and Yasmine sends me a Jet Blue ticket…literally out of the blue.  I get to Virginia and meet Neal and Justin, and play foursquare.

I get back and go to Bass Lake, where one night…ONE NIGHT…I am waiting for my friend Ron to cross the finish at IronMan…and i have no internet connection, just relying on tweets, and Penny is sending me text updates, and I am on pins and needles because I know he needs to cross the finish before 17 hours…which he does, in 16:45…and I am jumping up and down in a cabin, and this is so far beyond “internet life”. 

I’m at Bass Lake, and Lisa had previously asked if I wanted to come to San Antonio for the AA International Convention.  I hadn’t been since 1995, and it was overwhelming and wonderful, but I just couldn’t swing another ticket.  On Wednesday, I ask Lisa, if that’s still available, and from the lake, she gets the ticket, and tells me she has a place for me to stay.  Internet friends?  I think not.

I go to this convention, where I typically experience the same thing in crowds every time.  I feel alone and lonely, and even with 31 years of sobriety, I cannot seem to connect.  I finally find a regular panel meeting …We go to the Friday Night Flag Ceremony, and I have chills.  We listen as speakers, regular speakers talk about their regular lives.  No big shots.  And, Saturday…I’m still walking around.  Lisa and Gretchen go to lunch, and I go to a place called Sober City, and I’m talking to this guy about the Flying Pig Marathon, which is on my to-do list, and this man comes up and asks him, “Do you know a guy named…”

And, I turn around, and it’s Larry.  Larry, who moved in with me 21 days after I left my first husband.  No, I’m not proud of this, but he had a profound impact on my life.  It wasn’t really a life decision, he needed a place to stay and I had one…BUT, I was madly in love with him, and he was just passing through…my kind of man.  He was also 3 years more sober than me, and was getting a divorce too.  Match made in heaven.

And here is where the impact comes in.  I had 10 years of sobriety, but I had no conscious contact with a god or God.  I used God in a 9-1-1-.  HELP! situation.  Larry would pray and meditate every day.  He would say he can’t connect or talk or do anything until he had his quiet time.  I couldn’t understand this, and in my 30 year old head, I would get this guy to love me…so I decided I would do the pray and meditate game.  I would hear his Harley drive up at night, and I would turn off the lights and light candles and pretend to pray when he walked in.  And, I would fake that I was getting a spiritual connection.

And then one day, he moved along.  Back to Arizona…and I visited him once there, but we were just not suited for each other.

But.  I continued to pray and meditate.  And have hardly missed a day since 1989.  And Larry, with the one eyebrow and Harley gave that to me.  And, I never judge how people get to God.  Just get here.  It doesn’t matter how.

So, I look up at this AA Convention, and there is Larry.  And we hug, and I bawl.  And I see the twinkle in his eyes.  The man who gave me God.  Because I was dishonest and was trying to keep him as my boyfriend.  And we go and catch up, and we have 6 divorces between us, and he has a bunch of kids, and found out after he left me, that he had PTSD from Vietnam.  And we laugh.  And all is well.

He orders 4 shots of Espresso, because…as he says, “We’re real alcoholics”.  And I laugh, because this is the man I know and love.  He and all his brothers are sober, and they save us seats at the big meeting, and one of his brothers is 90 days sober.

I cry.  I hear the music of Chapter Five.  I see my sponsor.  I see my AA sisters.  I see people I love and adore…and I realize that the friends I’ve met on Twitter are my real friends.  In my real life.  And I couldn’t ask for better people.  And, I will tell you this.  I needed to see Larry.  To remember my real purpose on this planet.  To be of service to the still sick and suffering alcoholic.  That my purpose is not ME ME ME.

And today, we go to an AA meeting in San Antonio, and we are going to the hospital, because Lisa got a call that an alcoholic needed some support.  And even and especially when it is inconvenient, we stay on the firing line of life.

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Giveaways

Healthy Ashley is giving away Bondi Band Headbands.  I.  Want.

Chic Runner is giving away iFitness Belts!  I have, and want another.

The iFitness belt is the one that I bought before the LA Marathon, and rode it on my hips, under armpits, butt, etc.  Held it even.    Nothing new on marathon day…so I will try it again this week!!

March Miles: 129.20 It was a long month.  Capped off with two weeks of recovery.  Gonna hit 1000 a year if I start running soon.

Old Shoes: There may be a reason I bonked in LA:  Apparently, I over pronate.  My coach is having a cow.  And I love him for it.  Shoe shopping is on tap.  Today

Yoga: I went to a Yoga class.  Apparently, I have become unflexible and tight.  I have NO upper body strength.  I say weakly to the teacher, “but I just ran a marathon!!!”  She could give a shit.  I’m tight. 

Polls I asked my followers on Twitter to DM me privately if they are married and have never cheated.  Ever.  Boy, was my inbox full today.  Faith in humanity:  restored.

Races: I have signed up for Bay to Breakers.  It’s supposed to be fun. 

Carry on…

Part 3: My grandfather’s letter, the metaphor of the marathon, the KTLA coverage, the family support.  The will to try again…How something this bad…can be this fun.  What my coach gives me.  Every day.

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It’s Wednesday, and I am trying to make sense of the weekend.  The high hopes, the dashed dreams. 

And, really…in perspective, I simply have to let go.

When I got to my parent’s house on Sunday, I was incredibly pale, and my littlest sister (mile 20) made me a grilled cheese sandwhich with chips.  Lots of chips.  2 regular Cokes.  I had a horrible headache.  I took a shower, put on my compression socks.  Sat in the chair.  Trying to make sense of my day.  My middle Wineyard sister showed up with her family.  They had been in Santa Monica.  All. Day.  It was a long day for everyone.  Troopers!!!

When I got the finisher’s medal, it was very anticlimatic.  I got the medal, I had to look for a mylar blanket, I had to go to the Medic as promised.  They cleared me quickly, but I forgot I was supposed to check in at all the medic stations on the course.  I wandered around.  I walked down to the beach, to the finisher’s area.  I sat under the letter V.  I was sitting next to a guy with headphones on, just chilling.  There were a few of us there.

I saw the baggage check trucks.   And then, my family found me.  And they hugged me and told me how proud of me they were.  I was pretty upset.  But, it was the way they again held me up.  I was so grateful.

As the day went on, and the family continued to stream in and inquire as to how I was, I realized that I was so lucky to have them.

• My grandfather’s letter:  Later in the evening, my father came to me with tears in his eyes.  He told me that he was so proud that I got to the finish line.  He reminded me that I work with students who have no one waiting for them at the finish line.  That I should use this experience of the marathon bonk, as a metaphor for what they could accomplish.  That I got up.  That I continued when it was ugly.  That I put my pride aside for the better good, and got to the end.  Then, he went and got a letter he had saved from when he was in college.  It was from my Grandpa.  The letter told my Dad the same thing he told me.  Get up.  Get along with people.  Finish strong.  That he was so proud of my Dad for graduating from college.
• KTLA Coverage of the LA Marathon: My parents DVR’d the Marathon coverage.  It was so amazing to see the very race I was in.  To see the elite women and men.  To see the hill.  They kept saying that Heartbreak Hill in Boston was 80 ft, while mile 4 (?) was 90 feet.  They kept the cameras on that mile all morning.  It was truly a joyous morning to watch all three hours of it.  My hat is off to the LA Marathon.  What a beautiful course.
• My coach: The day before the marathon, he sent me the most lovely email I’ve ever received…because I’ve never been athletic in my life.  Ever.  And, what he gave me in that letter I will save forever.  My mother is the only person I’ve let read it.  So, I was in good shape.  He believed in me, and I believed in me.  When I finally got to my car after the race, I got this text from him. I had to deal with his concern in my head from mile 6-8.  I had finally tried to stop worrying that he was worried.  He’s my coach, after all.  It’s sort of his job.  But, the reason I love this man, is that even with all the blood, sweat and tears, and trying to sort everything out, he is wicked smart.  He knew something was wrong when he got my first 10K splits.   I trust him implicitly.  The text simply said,
  • Talk to me, goose.

And I’ve talked, and he’s listened, and I listened, and he’s lifted me up.

In these final moments of wrestling with the marathon, I am at peace with what happened, and it wasn’t my day.  I learned a lot.  There’s a lot of love in running.  The fact that I’m considering doing it again at all is amazing.  I got a cake from my nephew.  I got beautiful emails, texts, calls, bloggy love.  But, this one…my favorite…from my neice’s husband, Glenn.  (I sent him a picture of me, with Frank McCourt, and here is his reply)

That picture is AWESOME!!!! You…sister…look SMOKIN’ HOT!   Whatever it is you’ve been doing–keep doing it– You look beyond fantastic! FYI– you’re supposed to say, “Right?” to that…

Anyway, on to the point of this email–

Just so you know, Liane and I are SO incredibly PROUD of you for what you accomplished today.  I know you didn’t meet the goal you set for yourself…and that is probably very disappointing for you…but you TOUGHED IT OUT, you finished what you started, and nowadays that is VERY rare.

Seriously…you were hurt…your goal was out of reach…you had medics giving you EVERY REASON  to quit and YOU FINIHSED.

That is something to be very VERY proud of, Linda…

So please, Please, PLEASE — take pride in what you accomplished today.  Enjoy it and try to bask in it a little…you DESERVE IT and you EARNED IT.

You are awesome…and we LOVE YOU !!!!!!

XOXO L & G

Hi all,

 

Linda ran in the LA Marathon last Sunday.  I’m attaching some pictures taken at the dinner the night before the race and one of Linda, DD, and I after the race.

 

Linda made arrangements with the guy in charge of the dinner for DD to meet the rich and famous.  DD didn’t know about the meeting.  Because DD has been a long time USC fan, Pete Carroll was a plus.

 

We were quite proud of Linda because she got very ill at mile 19, but refused to let the paramedics take her to the hospital.  Instead, she recovered and finished the race.

 

Don & DD

And then.  The final message from my AA sponsor.  That maybe it really wasn’t all about me…: 

Today, you gave your parents the daughter you were meant to be.

Who wouldn’t want to do this again?