If not now, when?

Eye Opening.

February 8, 2013

getty_rf_photo_of_cherry_tomato_on_white_plateI sort of don’t know how to start this post, because I know when I’m all done I will have committed to never having fast food.  Again.  And, because I’m fairly obsessive, I know I cannot really make a commitment like that, because as soon as I do, I’ll head right to a drive through for a big whatever.

When I was a little girl, we had a McDonald’s or a Jack In The Box (I truly can’t remember) on the corner.  And I remember my Mom having to call in the order.  This was around the same time the jogging craze started.  Go figure.  Eating “out” was a treat, and exciting.  Little packets of ketchup, burgers wrapped in paper.  It was exciting.  Happy Meals were meals that my mom didn’t have to cook.  A treat for everyone.  My first job was at Jack In The Box, which explains my craving for Breakfast Jacks, Lemon Turnovers and Orange Juice.  All in one meal.  I ordered the same thing for years, until the Lemon Turnover went away.  Sadness.

So.  I get it.  We are set up to be happy with shit in a bag, and sad if we don’t get the treats we want.

Fast forward to today.  I had a coupon for a Rally’s in Fresno.  It was totally free, except for $4 and change.  I love saving money.  We went to the drive through, and sat and waited for this grease bomb of a meal, that would satisfy my vague craving for something bad.

I spilled the Diet Coke, which I assured Harley Guy wouldn’t be sticky because there was no sugar.  Then I tasted the drink, and it was the real thing.  I had a lap full of napkins and ketchup, and a bag full of burgers and fries.  And ice all over the floor.

We stopped in the parking lot, because we had this big mess.  I pulled out the thing I had ordered, and the spicy fries that just moments ago I had been coveting.  The bun was greasy.  The fries tasted like deep fried chicken.  And as we sat there, I could see a dumpster with crows sitting on its edges.  The crows, the grease, the mess.  I just couldn’t stomach it for one more minute, and couldn’t wait to dump it and drive away as quickly as we could.

I ached and groaned, thinking of what I’d just put my digestive system through on this rainy Friday afternoon.  I even went and picked up my bib for tomorrow’s 5k.  A few hours went by, and I was fine, but I drank a lot of water today, and tried to cleanse by eating some fruit, some wheat crackers.

A few weeks ago I was running in a nearby town, and I ran by a group of fast food restaurants, and I thought…if someone came from another locale, they would think our country smells just like grease.  It was hard to keep my pace, as I battled nausea from the fumes.

So.  I will not say I will never have fast food.  But, for right now, if I have to drive through anywhere, it’s not happening.  I love to say “There was no food!  We had to stop here!”  It’s time to be a bit more proactive…and stop thinking fast food is FUN.  Because clearly, my body does not think so.

Category:

food

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exhale.

February 5, 2013

1fb9e83be6d1b687e02b1dbaf10aa885I set up this program to rest on Tuesday.  It’s Tuesday.  Thank God.

 

Category:

13.1, rest day

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A goal properly set is halfway reached.

February 4, 2013

204112158655519431_4d13e7b45a1eThere’s something about being halfway through a training plan that always gives me sort of a start.  Like, how did I do this already, and how is there that much more to go?  Today starts week 6 of Modesto Half Marathon 12 week training plan, which means, of course, that not only am I getting ready to toe the line again, but that I am recovered.  Past tense.  No more silly #stressfracture hashtags.  That’s it.  I’m recovered.

This time, I have taken it slowly, but have incorporated a mean weight training program.  I have a tricep, and also a little pork chop looking muscle that drapes over my shoulders (excuse me, I’m a runner, not a weight lifter).  I now understand why body builders look in the mirror when they lift.  There is an excitement to see something you’ve actually built, and curiosity in watching the muscles course under my skin as they work.  I incorporate Core exercises, and have now successfully hung 15 long seconds in my quest to do one pull up by December 13, 2013.  I do squats.  I am working my whole body.

But my legs.  They are the sticks that will get me to the end.  And, even though I feel twinges of last year’s foot , I simply keep running, nailing all my times and distances.  It’s lovely really, because at the end of the day, I know that I’m taking my body to the best place it can be.

This weekend, I will do my first 5K in this training plan, running a little 3.1 miler in Fresno.  I don’t really care about distances, I care about that surge of energy when you lay out your gear the night before, lace up at 5am, slam down pre-run nutrition, pin on the bib.  That feeling of watching everyone else wait with me until the whistle blows, until I can blissfully fall into my own rhythm of the race.

Halfway there.  I’m loving this training cycle.

Category:

13.1, weight lifting, workout

2 Comments

Mellow Half Mary Training

February 1, 2013

da-mo-86

On Wednesday I will turn 54.

In that time, I’ve run 5 marathons.

8 half marathons, and others…around 36 races.

only 10 of those before I turned 50.

When I was training for my first marathon, as the story goes,

I didn’t know I was 50.  Or that it was considered old.

and yet I trained.  On the overpasses, on the dark streets.

I didn’t know I could survive a hellish divorce in a quiet little town.

Or that I could single-handedly save my house…

This house with it’s broken dishwasher that’s suddenly started working,

the screen doors that Chet has ripped off the tracks,

the ripped gazebo, that still functions, sort of, as a place to put pool tools.

The pickets and arbor, long since their prime

and fences held up with 2 by 4s.

I was never sure that I could be enough as a single mom,

to raise two now-teenagers, and love it.  Really love it.

I was sure that as they got older they would want to live somewhere else.

With him.

And I was prepared for that, but they do not want that.  They want

here.

And because I have no man skills to share, my harley guy has stepped in,

and is, with the boys, building a basketball hoop for the street, and has offered to help teach

the oldest to drive, and the both of them how to play real poker.

Things I couldn’t do.  Didn’t want to.

Because every boy should learn to drive a stick shift, and bet like a man.

So, what I learned is this.

You never get anything you want, unless you ask.

And.  I asked.

And just when I would get some new resolve, I would get smashed back down, and then up.

Again.

I’m in week 5 of a Mellow Half Marathon Training, which is the title of this post,

but makes no sense at all, unless you see the big picture of my life right now.

Running 3 days a week, building muscle on the others.

It’s incredibly relaxing, and even as I get up into 6 milers, which I used to carve off with panache,

I sometimes struggle.  But, I keep running.

And 54?  I’m sure it’s going to be the best year of all.

I will attempt marathon number 6 in the Fall, but for right now,

I will prove that I can again toe the line and reclaim the love I have.

The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.–Randy Pausch

Category:

13.1, life

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Runner’s Joy

January 20, 2013

tumblr_lyfsyoKdZs1r7il5qo1_500The familiar places of a runner:  The burn in your lungs when you attack a hill, the sheer exhaustion at the end of your last speedwork sprint, the calves that need rubbing later on in the day.  These are the things that I chase, and even though I am nowhere near where I was when I was training for my first marathon, I still embrace the pains and exhaustion, and actually enjoy them in a sick way.

Today, I ran 4 miles, 2 @ a tempo, fast pace.  A pace I easily could have sliced off a year or two ago, and today found myself working VERY hard to complete the task.  Enough about the stress fracture already.  I have babied the foot, and taken good care of myself.  I have lost some weight, and am within that 10 pounds again of my last race day, though I have decided to get near 20 off of me by the time I toe the line in March.

This starts week 4, and the thing that I love about runners the best, is that all of you…you know the thrill of feeling this tired.  And so.  You simply understand why I keep up this silly sport.

Week 4 of 12…and here we go.

Category:

half marathon, running

2 Comments

because. raising teenagers.

January 19, 2013

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it’s been a long time since i’ve posted.

in that time, my boyfriend’s apartment building burned, and i spent 5 days not running or working out, but doing duty packing and moving boxes.  so week 2, well.  it happened this week…on week 3.  a long run and tempo run, punctuated by weight lifting in the gym.

but today.  today, is about teenager stuff.  i rarely blog about it, but i’m saddled with a heaviness this week, and sometimes, i just try to make sense of it in writing.

i’ve had to accept that my children have to deal with someone who was raised by someone who used money to beat him over the head…and now he’s doing that to my children…and they and i sit and they don’t understand, and i don’t try to explain, except to say that it’s gonna be okay.  and the fact that he has to use his own money and buy his own shoes for his first formal…?  well, it’s something he probably won’t ever forget.  or the fact that his dad says he will pay him money, but never does…well.  this is what you have.  and my poor boys.  i look in their confused eyes, and try to just listen.

and i had an epiphany.  my son…my brilliant son said…”mom.  here’s the deal.  if i ask him, i get nothing…and if i don’t ask him i get nothing…so i’m not going to ask.”  wow.  how do you get so wise at 15 years old.  when your mom is on food stamps and pinches the shit out of every nickel…how is it that you still get every single thing that you need?

because.  i’m your mom.  and, in this house, we tell the truth.   except one.  they’ve never ever asked about her.  but they know.  my oldest told me he knows, and he does not want to talk about it.  and so we don’t talk about it, and they tell me things they don’t like and i have to bite a hole in my cheek because she is incredibly pathetic…and arrogant…as if she won something.   you don’t participate in someone’s wedding and then sleep with the then-groom for 8 years.  and then say hello to me.  my boyfriend is amazing.  we just are in shock and awe how supposedly christian people can be so…dark.

raising teenagers is my favorite thing on the planet right now.  these brilliant, amazing black belt boy scouts…with their quirky sense of fun, have made me laugh…whether we are head banging to bohemian rhapsody, or playing texas hold ‘em.  they are simply my world right now.  they have taught me more than they will ever know.  about truth and beauty, and how to hold your head up when it’s just…hard.  my youngest the other day held his head in his hands and said, “mom.  this is ridiculous.  he always says you owe him money.”  and i show him the court documents and they read it and chuckle.  because they know.

my boys.  they are my best shot at doing something good on this planet, and i thank my lucky stars every day that god gave me this opportunity.  even when it’s hard.  and lately.  it’s been hard.  but i wouldn’t change a thing.

Category:

parenting, teenagers

6 Comments

Thinner. Stronger. Older. Wiser.

January 4, 2013

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Today ends the first week of training for the Modesto Half Marathon.  Not having run more than 3 miles since about May of 2012, I was eager to get started.  I posted this plan a week or so ago, and just laid low.  On Sunday night, I realized that the plan I laid out actually started that day, so I laced up and went out for 2 miles in the cold.

This plan is different for me because I’m employing weights 3x a week, instead of my usual 6 days of Hanson running.  I lifted on Monday, Thursday and will tomorrow, because I’m after that elusive pull up.  Right now I can hang comfortably for 8 seconds.  I can do 3 assisted pull-ups.

For week 1, I ran 9 miles total.  I ran a long run of 4 on Wednesday, and my foot is fine.  I felt really good, but very slow and sluggish today.  I’m slowly (emphasize slowly) trying to take off the 8% of the weight I gained since my race weight day back in May.  (That’s 14 pounds).  Currently, I have 3 off already.  I gained a few here and there, then got the cast and boot …and there went 5 more.  At the holidays, 5 more came back on with unrestrained eating …So.  That is the quest.

Today as I was running, I was struggling.  I have no idea why, after a great run on Wednesday.  I credit my 4 other bloggy gal pals who have enthusiastically joined a weight loss challenge with spurring me on to better my body.  We are currently putting up our Thinspiration pictures, and a theme is emerging.  It’s not enough to be thin as I was when I raced in May.  It’s more important to be strong.  Thinner, stronger, older, wiser.

Thus ends Week 1.

Category:

13.1, half marathon, Modesto Half Marathon, running

8 Comments

718.87 miles

December 30, 2012

218635756881994079_lWidlGJc_cI have two more miles to run for 2012, to make 718.27.  I thought I had them on schedule for tomorrow.  Then, I looked at my plan.  I have had a wonderful yummy dinner.  And now.  I must go run.  THEN, this number will be the final for 2012:  718.27.

Today, my Half Marathon plan starts.  Modesto Half Marathon scheduled for March 24…first race back post stress fracture.  First REAL race…I did do a 5K this year, but I didn’t train for it.

So.  Here it is.  The path.  The plan.  And…here I am.  Celebrating my 54th New Years on the planet.  I’m coming back.  And I have a lot of work to do…

Time to lace up.  I’m out.

viewer

Category:

13.1, Modesto Half Marathon

1 Comment

Short & Sweet Goals

December 28, 2012

 

fitness-goals

These races.

Other goals:

  • Do One Pull Up by December 31, 2013
  • Lose the 8% over my race weight (14 pounds) that I gained after I was casted and booted.
  • Find and stay at my good race weight.

I am finishing the year with around 700 miles.  I ran all of those.  It was not a waste.  Happy to see Lucky 13 come upon us all.

Happy New Year!!

 

 

Category:

fitness

5 Comments

Loose Goals

December 6, 2012

With 2013 fast approaching, bloggers start nailing down New Years goals.

I have some loose goals for now. (So much changes…I was supposed to be ruling the full Tucson Marathon with Ali this weekend)

1. Run 3x a week in December
2. Lift weights every other day.
3. Lose the rest if the cast weight.
4. Start training for Modesto 13.1 (12-30)
5. Set my sights on Fresno Eye-Q marathon (best breakfast and Schwag on the planet)
6. PR in just one race.

I don’t make New Years goals as a runner. There are so many factors in life they can sometimes derail the train.

So for now. Loose.

I like it that way.

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Category:

Uncategorized

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