I took myself out to dinner last night.  Alone.  To the local, darling new grille in our town.  I ordered a 6 oz. steak, and a salad.  It’s all I wanted.  I didn’t want the shrimp, just the beef, thank you.

I’m talking with the owner, who is not a local.  I married in to this small town in 1994, but I’m still not considered a local.  So, I’m having this nice conversation with her, and I realize she is partner’s with my husband’s cousin. 

I’m divorcing in this very small town.  I can’t go anywhere without running into a former *relative*.  I don’t gossip with anyone as I stand in line at my favorite Starbucks.  Everyone knows my husband.  Everyone has enough money to live as they need, while I . . . let’s just not go there.  Two kids, two dogs, keeping the house afloat.  I’m always reminded that I don’t have the social clout any longer.  That I don’t have what I did have…

But.  I have my dignity.

Which is why I took myself out to dinner.  I can go out alone.  I’m approaching 50 years old, and I have earned the right to not feel bad on *date night* Saturday. 

Do I sound bitter? 

I’m not certain, but I may be depressed.  I think you’re supposed to be sad when you end a marriage of 14 years.   Thank God that running has been the catalyst to lift my spirits, even on horrible days.  Thank God that my body can still function, and that I can get up and run.

Meanwhile, it hurts.

keith-urban-love-pain-and-the-whole-crazy-thing-04-i-cant-stop-loving-you.mp3

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2 thoughts on “Reminding myself that I have my dignity.

  1. First of all, thanks for the encouragement. It’s totally true that men should not use “u” instead of you – and neither of us are pathetic. May you continue to have courage and dignity. 🙂

  2. Dining alone sometimes can be quite peaceful. I’ve done it quite a few times. At first, it was odd. Then I became okay with it… bring a good book/mag and you’re good to go. I’m proud of you… next time I’m up or you’re down, I’m running you to death!

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