So this goes through everyone’s mind, huh?  Thought it was only me.  I was looking at Pearl Izumi’s new ad in Runner’s World today. 

If you ran without sacrifice, congratulations.  You just jogged.

What Murakami says in his book is that no matter how far you run, there are some things that all runners understand and can identify with. 

This Youtube was me this morning.  We did 4.4 hard miles.  (Now, mind you, I read marathoner’s blogs, so I’m sure they are laughing at my “hard 4”)…The hardest running I’ve had in awhile.  I had to Drop the E at the Shell station only one mile in after a lovely sushi dinner last night.  I really really didn’t want to stop only 12 minutes in, but it seems there was no choice to be had.  I had to talk myself through the third mile, as if I was a first grader.  Even the Chariots of Fire theme song didn’t help.  Over the catwalk, I practically crawled.  I think I have Plantar Fascilitis, and in a bit of denial about it.

Only week 2 in our Half training, and I’m draggin’.  It’s 2pm on a Sunday, and [horrors!] I’m still in my jammies.  Can’t seem to get moving.

In terms of school.  It’s hard.  Harder than I ever thought it would be.  The only real thing that calms my gangbangers and wannabees is Yoga.  Wish we could do it all day.  I overheard them talking about how long they could hold the Proud Warrior position.  Kinda cool.  During 6th period, I was getting so frustrated because they wouldn’t stop talking.  One of them yelled, “Namaste” from the back of the room.  It ticked me off, even if his intentions were good.  They weren’t.  He was being passive-aggressive and sarcastic.  I just looked at him and said, Get out.  That’s when I hit the wall, figuratively speaking.

Spent the day yesterday clearing out the bad energy, saging, and hanging curtains.  Until yesterday, my students looked out of barred windows to the trash bins in the parking lot.  I changed the tables to a U-shape.  I put away the punishing textbooks, and scattered the novels all around.  I created an environment that I’d really like to have.  My friend Steph, (she talks to dead people, really) helped me do the saging in all the corners of the room.  When she came to the place where I sit, she said, “Something really interesting is going on in this wall.”  I said, yeah I sit there when I’m furious.  The sage smoked like crazy.  Do I know what this means?  No, and I don’t care.

I added lavender, and currently there are lemons soaking up all the bad energy.  I hung dragonfly lights for positive change.  We said a  prayer, and blessed the room.  You might think I’m crazy, but like the title of my post.  I want to leave my old teaching self behind, and I’m desperate to find the answer.

The hard, “My way or the Highway” isn’t working with this crowd.  Onward.

7 thoughts on “leave your old self behind.

  1. You say you are dragging in your training. Don’t worry. This will turn around! I am almost positive!

    I am not sure if you posted this before, or if I just missed it, but I am not sure exactly what you are teaching. Sounds like you have a challenging year ahead of yourself. And I give you great props for making changes that will hopefully enhance the learning evironment for both you and your students. I look forward to reading more about your “adventures”. I hope this week goes well for you and your students.

  2. I teach Continuation High School English and PE in California. Continuation High School is another word for *alternative education*. My students have been kicked out of the regular high school due to disciplinary issues and not getting enough credits. They get credits in short, six week sessions at my school. Enough to get a diploma.

    It’s not seen as the same as regular HS, but it’s a diploma, nonetheless.

    It’s a bear.

  3. Ahh – the video was me on Friday. No seriously talking to myself! It’s a good thing I’m in Germany and I KNOW I’ll not see these people the rest of my life. I started last week.

    Kay starts HS today – so now i really have no excuse to sit on a Monday morning in my PJ bottoms when I know if I put my running shoes on now, I’ll have time for that 4 miles (NO not all of it running!)

    I hope all the Feng Shui worked on your room!

  4. Sounds like some of the students could stand to ‘drop the e’ to get all of the bunged up anger out. High Colonics 101 perhaps?

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