Nothing.  Not a thing.  I haven’t been able to post all week because of a pending police investigation regarding several of my students harming a female student…yes, in that way…and I was sickened all week.  Add to that, that kids are snorting coke in the cracks of my novels, and you have a situation rife for someone coming unglued.

That someone was me, on Friday.  I looked at my first period class, all big big boy/men…some 18 years old, and I was just livid regarding their supposed actions…yeah, yeah…innocent until proven guilty.  My ass.

I moved them, my security moniter moved them.  I mixed all the different gang members around, and they asked me things like, “Ms. V., can I get a pencil?”  NO.  “Ms. V., can I go to the bathroom?”  NO.  “Ms. V., can I use my mp3 player today?”  NO.

“Ms. V.  Are you mad?”  YES.  Yes I am.  Mad at so much that is out of my control.

I wrote referrals like they were going out of style.  Kids texting in their books, texting in their pockets.

I finally said, “I’m old.  I’ve been fooled by experts.  You, my friends, are not experts, so give it up right now.”  They did.

Took the BART to SF, and I am sitting at a teacher’s conference paid for by my district.  I look around, and you know what?  We all look tired.  Education in CA is grim at this political moment, and my colleagues and I are feeling it.  Time to rest.

…but really, there is nothing else to say.  I ran once this week, and I need to get out there.  I do.  I am just immobilized at the moment.  The sun, I’m sure, will come out tomorrow…but for today, the cloud hovers.

Cheery, huh?

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8 thoughts on “…what else to say?

  1. I feel for you. I grew up in a neghborhood rife with gangs. I was in High School in the 70’s in a school that had shootings, stabbings, and gang related activity. There was even a teacher that was assaulted in class.

    I was so glad to get out of there and off to college. There is no way that you would be able to talk me into going back to that type of an environment!

  2. I’m so sorry!!! I’m not an educator so I have no idea what you go thru everyday!! You are a true saint!!

    Smile and I hope the sun shines bright tomorrow for you!!!

  3. I got chills reading your post. I cannot imagine the things you face every day – so far removed from my rural Idaho upbringing. The thing is – those kids need you. Or at least there are a few that do. Hang in there. .

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