It’s getting harder. I mean, I try to be upbeat and kind. I’m trying to navigate this trifecta of crap: marriage/job/house. Then, I find out from the DMV that I am now on Probation due to 4 points on my driving record. I get a phone hearing, in which I plead my case. 2008 was hard.
I go to my son’s baseball practice. This is a new traveling team that he tried out for, and made. He is an excellent 1st baseman, and I’m not that even kind of a mom. I am the team business manager, which means I collect all the forms and haul them around with me. I come up to this group of Moms, one of which I know, and I think they are talking about something…yeah, and I try to sort of join the conversation…to be friendly. Witchy woman looks at me and says, “I didn’t say that.” She snarls. I don’t know where I know her, but I’m tempted to say something, but instead I’m wounded. …and I’m pissed. I’m so tired of bitchy women. Why can’t we just play nice in the sandbox?
I’m just tired and cranky. I try not to lay my head down and night and cry. I’m not depressed; I am simply overwhelmed. My oldest did his Arrow Of Light testing for Cub Scouts last night (Yeah, I’m a den leader believe it or not), and he was great. All my boys were nervous, because I want them to really know this stuff. They did. I drive them over to the Scoutmaster, for a conference, and they are all. joining. Wow.
And, my kids’ Dad leaves to go home, and I’m just sick of doing this alone. I’m tempted to call him back, but even though he is their Dad, I’m a single Mom, and I wouldn’t have ANY man friend over. Not for a long time.
Then. Alarm. 4:30am, and Kim is in the front.
My clothes are out, ready to go. I walk with her in 36 degree weather to our start. The music plays, and suddenly. Gratitude. I end up doing 4.8 miles, but when I get out of the shower, I look like I have a tan…I have cold burn. The racing stripes from my pants are burned into my skin…and oddly, I don’t care. My blister is half callous, and half blister, and didn’t hurt.
Great songs today:
- Christmas Wrapping, by The Waitresses
- In The Mood by Glenn Miller
- Lost Highway by Bon Jovi
…and all is well. Really.
*Title from Lost Highway Lyrics, by Jon Bon Jovi