Today I woke up to the sound of a howling wind, at 40 degrees.  Wait.  I thought this was spring.  Yesterday, our Scout den meets to bridge over my Webelos, and I could not have been happier.  Sad and happy at the same time.  I was sent a picture of my five boys this morning, and the beaming on their faces was amazing.  The are Boy Scouts.  There was a ceremony in which the mothers wore aprons, and the boys symbolically cut off the apron strings.  It was very sweet.  My boy yells, “FREEDOM” a la Mel Gibson and the place erupts in laughter. 

My parents are in from LA, and continue to try to support me in my quest for solvency.  This morning, as I awake from my long night’s unrest, I think I cannot face one. more. day.

I received a lovely gift card for my service as Den Leader, and I will be using it for groceries.  I am trying REALLY hard not to feel sorry for myself, but I am terrified that my ex-husband will pull something.  Will I be teaching in another town and coming home on the weekends to see my children?  It’s been done.  But, I don’t want to do it.  (*Sidenote:  I thought we had been divorced back in November, but the courts just finished this.  Last week.)

I don’t ever  remember the situation so dire in California.  Certainly, the shoe was never on MY foot, but the people who were untenured, probationary.  I have not been probationary…in years.  Until now. 

The *man* from the Housing department calls me to tell me that he has a great deal for me…but since I have no job,  he tells me to figure something else out.  The bad news is that I’m losing the house.  The good news, if it IS good news, is that we are all slipping down this landslide together.  And yeah.  I know that’s not good news.  The lender, who holds my loan, has closed all of their offices.

I have now widened my search to all counties from LA to Sacramento, from San Francisco to Tuolomne counties.  There still are no teaching jobs.  Anywhere.  I’m willing to do anything else.  I’ve heard from one of my favorite East Coast bloggers about how to get into the Banking industry.  You know who you are, and I say thank you.  The problem is, I have zero experience.  Another friend is trying to hook me up in his company in sales.  I have to get my focus off of my State Teacher’s Retirement, and onto the possibility that an old dog CAN learn new tricks.

I have one thought that keeps me going.  I know God is here.  I just wish he’d give me a heads up.

3 thoughts on “God’s On A Smoke Break.

  1. It makes me very sad to hear what you are going through. I sure wish you the best, and I am sure things will come around….I have faith….

  2. It makes me angry to hear what you are going through! I’m a pretty devout Republican and should be a Governator supporter, but to see what has happened to this state makes me really angry.

    Why aren’t they cutting 20% of the seats in the Assembly as a cost cutting measure?

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