It’s going to be hard, but I got the call. My house is going up for sale. Soon. I went to the gym to shake out my legs, came home and sat in my spa, and I looked around my yard. I have spent 15 years here. There’s the potting bench we built when I was taking Marriage & Family Therapy licensure classes. We would pot strawberries on Sundays when I came home from San Mateo study groups.
There’s the lattice and the morning glory that stretches 8 feet up. The red cement and pool that was poured after we realized we couldn’t have children…the lattice that we put back up around our deck when we found out I was pregnant. Parts of the white gate we erected to keep crawling babies in. There’s the cactus we bought down the road. It’s over 10 feet now.
The one rose bush. Hannah’s rose, for the baby we lost…and it is barely hanging on. The clothesline, the sliding doors, the gazebo.
Soon, I will be saying goodbye to it all. I only realize it on the weekends I’m alone. But, the time has come. I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but soon life will be changing. And I cried. Good tears. Tears of joy and hope. Life has been good here, even if I haven’t always been happy.
Maybe all this time, when I thought my life has been falling apart…it’s really been falling together…and I just don’t know the outcome. I am looking underneath a beautiful tapestry that God is weaving, and all I see are loose threads.