I used to be paralyzed by fear.  Like, I couldn’t move.  I would sit in my car or house or at a coffee shop and not move.

I awoke this morning at 4:30, afraid of something…which I won’t go into specifically.  But, it’s more like abandonment, moving on, letting go…all of those things.

I tossed for awhile, put on my running shoes, and did a 30 minute run on the schedule today.  I prayed, and meditated, and realized that God is good, and all is right with the world, even if I don’t necessarily believe it.  I have to trust that I’ve been brought this far without much effort on my part, and I won’t sink.  House, job, divorce…all these things were running around in my chest and head.

I stopped at the top of the catwalk, which is where I go for cathartic screams, and I sobbed.  At 6am, before the sun was up…and truckers are honking, and I am crying, and all is right with the world…because I was able to get it out.

…and that, my friends…is how running has saved my life.  In more ways than I can count.  Instead of paralyzing self analysis, I let my feet do the work…thank you.

Happy Friday!

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11 thoughts on “Running with your heart in your throat

  1. Wow! I would never have known you had so much “in your chest and head” from just your tweets. My eyes filled with tears thinking of how hard it is to sometimes deal with life while trying to live life…I have no idea what all has been going on in your life, but God is good…and you haven’t been brought this far for no reason. You have purpose and strength…and brighter days lie ahead of you.

    I am not often paralyzed by fear, but I deal with fear and worry daily. I’m a worrier…and I hate it! I can honestly say that swim, bike, run have saved me over the past 8 months. It is kind of my new found way of letting it all out–like you.

    For whatever road you are walking (running 😉 ) down…just know you don’t go it alone. You have many friends out there to lean on! Take it one step at a time!

    Sending peace and great running days your way!

    Shannon (@hendy2)

  2. It’s amazing the way fear can place a stranglehold on your life. We all have our daily issues, some of which may seem totally insignificant to the rest of the world, but how we deal with them means the difference between success and failure. Worse yet, that paralyzing fear can keep us from even trying; then you’re stuck with “what if” forever.

    I’m very happy you’ve found that running and faith help you generate the momentum to overcome the fear and deal with what causes you stress.

    Run. Cry. Scream. Do whatever you must to keep going strong. But keep going. I’m pulling for you.

    Neal (@nturnage)

  3. I had a moment like this when I injured myself prior to the LA Marathon. It was weird to be limping/running home, sweating my butt off, tears streaming down my face and somehow feeling at peace with the world. I think most, if not all runners, have this affliction/gift of being in tune with the their mind, body, and soul while out there on the pavement racking up miles.

  4. This is what running does for me too. I hope your mind is ‘quiet’ now!

    Peace,
    Cyndi

  5. Let it all out and let your legs move you down the road. I feel for you and wish a Happy Friday your way too! Take care and keep with the plan!

  6. Sometimes a therapeutic run is the best run of all…
    So sorry to hear that things are still so tough for you, Ms. V.
    Hope they turn around for the better real soon.
    You’re rust…God is a good, and has a plan. He’s coming around to the good stuff. You just have be a little patient…

    Take care!

  7. I have had runs like this myself.
    I had a run not too long after my father’s death that was very cathartic. Run on my friend.

    PS – you are going to owe me some GU, you do know that right?

  8. I really believe that running allows us to clear our heads. I also believe that it is a time where nothing else matters and we can be closer to go and give him our trust so that he may guide our lives. Its pretty powerful if you think about it! Glad running helped!

  9. I know how you feel. I used to be a real stress puppy myself. Business that wasn’t going well. Bills to pay. High blood pressure. Etc Etc. That’s when I learned to use running as my therapy. That’s why I run at night instead of in the morning. I am able to work through my stresses and frustrations out on the trails. By the time I get home for dinner I am either physically exhausted and don’t care or have worked through my issues.

    I’m glad you’ve found a way to release your tensions. Better (and healthier) than the alternatives – that’s for sure…..

  10. You are such an inspiration! I love the way, you just knew how to work out your frustrations. Thank you for teaching me something new today.

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