Warning:  This is about dating.  And, no, I’m not naming names or going into detail.  I have no job, I have no prospects.  I’m like George, on the show where the girl digs him because he is doing The Opposite.

Dating: I’m using robman’s analogy on this one. 

I think it’s time.  Not to have a relationship, but perhaps…to go on a date.  Maybe.  So, a man fixes me dinner at his house the night before my Half Marathon.  A man I met at an AA meeting, built, a mountain biker…sober a long while…And I go there, thinking that maybe just maybe I can have a normal conversation under the heading “Getting to know you.”

I don’t like it.  Not the being with a man thing.  The hello-here’s-who-i-am thing.  Just the vanilla version.  I’m sick of myself already!  I have a bazillion credentials, some letters behind my name, and kids and house, and all that…sober, blah blah blah…

No.  I don’t like it.

I’d much rather be with the man who fathered my children…because he knows all the details of who i am.  He knows the pitfalls, the good stuff, what to expect.  We spend time together.  I go a little psycho on myself, because IS THIS IT?  Oh my god.  I think way too much.

Robman, my best male friend.  No scratch that.  It matters little whether or not he’s a male.  I told him everything, my insanity.  My crazy head.

We talk about my ex-husband and I dating.  He says.  Linda, you can’t go to the Buffet table with a dirty plate, that it’s not a good idea….that perhaps I’m all psycho because i can’t let go and i want him to push ME away.  Because I’m too much of a chickenshit to do it myself. 

Please, for the love of God.  I love therapy…with friends, or the paying for kind.  I love how this pal of mine can straighten me out.  In a minute.

My ex-husband and me?  Light and easy, and taking it slow.  Like any new person you would date.  Non-commital, and it’s not about the kids.  It’s about if this man, who I’ve known for 30 years has changed…or if I’ve changed.

Is it possible to take a clean plate to the buffet table, and get something different? 

((And, just like that, this blog now has a *dating* category.  Because, at some point, I am going to do that.  I am.))

9 thoughts on “The Buffet Table

  1. I love you Linda! Clean the plate and make sure you get some soft serve when you’re done.

  2. whatever you do, make sure that HE treats you with respect, honesty, and takes you seriously…..if not, no matter who he is – he is not worth the effort.

  3. Take this for what it’s worth… You can take a clean plate, but if the food is lousy, the trip to the buffet isn’t worth it. The question is – has the menu changed. It may not be your fault that the food wasn’t good. It could be the restaurant.

    Best of luck. And I’ll be watching….

    Oh – and you are absolutely correct. 9 + 9 was waaay too much. Never had my legs quiver on a run. It’s two days later and I *still* feel it.

  4. Get back in the game and don’t take shit. Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness and all.

    <–admits to watching John Adams.

  5. Some good analogies! I dont have one but I hope everything works out in the buffet line 😉

  6. A clean plate, dirty plate– who cares– it’s what you put on it NOW that matters and how it makes YOU feel.

    Fill it with the good things you know you like but also mix in some things you’ve never tried before to add a little spice!

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