Warning: This is about dating. And, no, I’m not naming names or going into detail. I have no job, I have no prospects. I’m like George, on the show where the girl digs him because he is doing The Opposite.
Dating: I’m using robman’s analogy on this one.
I think it’s time. Not to have a relationship, but perhaps…to go on a date. Maybe. So, a man fixes me dinner at his house the night before my Half Marathon. A man I met at an AA meeting, built, a mountain biker…sober a long while…And I go there, thinking that maybe just maybe I can have a normal conversation under the heading “Getting to know you.”
I don’t like it. Not the being with a man thing. The hello-here’s-who-i-am thing. Just the vanilla version. I’m sick of myself already! I have a bazillion credentials, some letters behind my name, and kids and house, and all that…sober, blah blah blah…
No. I don’t like it.
I’d much rather be with the man who fathered my children…because he knows all the details of who i am. He knows the pitfalls, the good stuff, what to expect. We spend time together. I go a little psycho on myself, because IS THIS IT? Oh my god. I think way too much.
Robman, my best male friend. No scratch that. It matters little whether or not he’s a male. I told him everything, my insanity. My crazy head.
We talk about my ex-husband and I dating. He says. Linda, you can’t go to the Buffet table with a dirty plate, that it’s not a good idea….that perhaps I’m all psycho because i can’t let go and i want him to push ME away. Because I’m too much of a chickenshit to do it myself.
Please, for the love of God. I love therapy…with friends, or the paying for kind. I love how this pal of mine can straighten me out. In a minute.
My ex-husband and me? Light and easy, and taking it slow. Like any new person you would date. Non-commital, and it’s not about the kids. It’s about if this man, who I’ve known for 30 years has changed…or if I’ve changed.
Is it possible to take a clean plate to the buffet table, and get something different?
((And, just like that, this blog now has a *dating* category. Because, at some point, I am going to do that. I am.))