It’s been a long time.  He moved out in February 2007, and although it took me awhile to untangle from him, okay 3 years…I have finally accepted the fact that I am moving into new territory.  Dating.  Real dating.  Not the “hey let’s have a coffee” thing.   But, actually considering going out and spending an evening with someone. 

Now, I was given strict instructions that I should wait a year before dating.  Okay, it’s been 3.  I’ve done dinner and movies with my girlfriends TO DEATH.  And, I just feel like it’s time to MAYBE get some male energy into my life.  Starting last summer, I thought I was ready for this, but I wasn’t. 

So here’s what’s happened.  I joined eHarmony.  I did.  For about 5 minutes.  I met someone who lived in a nearby town, but I really COULDN’T meet him because he was a farmer.  And I am in a small farming community, and while I’m clear writing about it on the blog could leak out much faster than town gossip, I’m willing to put it on here.

Because.  It’s a really funny story.

Long story.  Succinct.  I meet this guy, and BIG MISTAKE I ask my ex husband if he knows him.  “Linda, we went to school with him at Fresno State”.  I panic.  Why did I even tell the ex?  I keep forgetting that no.  We are not friends.  We have two kids together, but I can’t be around him more than an hour until I’m reminded of the reasons that we are not together.  So, I go off of eHarmony.  I’m too afraid to get in a dating pool so close to home.  I had already gotten word that the guy had closed the match because I had no picture. 

Then I start thinking.  Hey, why don’t I go back on, put on a picture, and wait for this guy to be matched with me?  Okay sounds like a great plan.  I even use a different name.  In the interim, my ex husband goes to an ag meeting, and asks an old college pal of ours how this guy is doing.  I hadn’t told ex that I found him on eHarmony, just that I heard *D* was single, etc.  I’m quite sure that he would skewer me over hot coals if he found out I had tried that.  Even once.

So. The guy and I are matched.  We start the process.  I pay the money.  $45 for 3 months.  I say to myself.  I’m only going on there for this particular person.  So, we exchange must haves, can’t stands, questions, etc., and he finally sends me an email.  I’m thinking this is going along smoothly.  Until I read the email. 

Hi L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How are you??????????????????

Goooooooooooooooooood morning!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you getting the picture?  I looked in horror at the email.  I thought perhaps he really was excited is all.  Until I get the next one.  And the next one.  There is an over abuse of punctuation that even I cannot stomach.  Finally, I call him…and this is where the story ends.  During the course of the conversation, I realize that he is on eHarmony because he wants a relationship.  And, I don’t.  I don’t.  Not yet.  Not until I am different.

I was able to say no thank you.  I was able to bow out gracefully.  He continued to send me an over abuse of punctuation.

Let me know if you want to have coffee…………………………………………………

And, while I know that I start sentences with “and, but and because”,  I’m no over-punctuator…and I can’t have one in my life.  However, the truth is this:  Online dating is not for me.  It’s not.  Because if I’m attracted to anyone, I can make all your faults work, and you mine.  Getting a recipe for matching doesn’t work for THIS girl, because I am outside the box.  I can’t even really explain myself. 

His last email:

I’d love to meet just as friends if you want to get together.  Let me know.  Just call me.

Very little punctuation.  Just like I like it.

I contacted eHarmony.  They gave me a one time pass on paying the last two installments.  I call this, my $45 experiment.  The next time I meet someone, it will have to be random and sporadic and nonsensical.  Non linear and not rational.  Because…my heart…my heart just doesn’t fit on a profile.

10 thoughts on “Wherein Online Dating Is Taken Off The Plate.

  1. This post is actually a little hilarious……

    Can you imagine all the people who take online dating really serious???????

    Like it’s a life and death thing???????

    (Sorry – had to do it!) See you next Saturday.

  2. Bwahahahahahahaha! I laugh because I can’t even handle people who use LOL on Twitter. I can’t imagine online dating. Over-punctuated emails would make me insane!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I had a horrible breakup in 2003 and 2007. I signed up after the first relationship debacle in 2004. I did the Match, eHarmony, whatever-and it was a DISASTER!!! I should write a book about some of the most horrendous men i met! Wholly crap! So when my ex walked out on me in 2007 and it took me a year to get over him I DID NOT sign up for an online dating service. I just couldnt do it again! I decided I’d rather be single than have to go thru the horror of online dating and being “back in the scene”…I just wasn’t skinny, blonde, young and pretty enough for the men here-So screw it! maybe I’ll meet someone at a race. So i feel your pain and know where you are in your life!I understand-I think I’m there with you. it’s gotta be someone pretty damn good….

  4. Hey Linda, catching up finally!

    Well I have a GOOD story…I too was on Match briefly, I thought I had suspended my account, but my profile was somehow still out there. Lo and behold, I recently got a wonderful email from a seemingly great guy with an equally stellar profile (that completely matches MY profile in every way)…I login to check out his picture, holding my breath because, well, sometimes they don’t have teeth…and OMG! It’s an old high school friend from NINTH GRADE! And he is awesome. Very, very bizarre how things come around sometimes….

    You see, the only reason I signed up at Match was because my great guy friend (first boyfriend in 9th grade) suggested it to me. So I did. And who did I end up “meeting”? The very guy who set me UP with said ‘first boyfriend’ in ninth grade!

    Life is funny. Match was an experience of laughs and ‘seriously?’ moments, but somehow I got to *something* worth exploring (very very very very slowly, I-know-what-you’re-thinking-lady) – so don’t give up!

    We always are given what we need, when we need it. You know this, I know this.

    Oh, and….Imagine the laughs when my ex and I showed up on each others ‘perfect match’ lists. *LMAO* That was one of those ‘seriously?’ moments for sure! I had to help him re-write his profile because it was filled with punctuation and grammar errors!

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