With the advent of August, and feigning amnesia, I try to think that school is really not starting until after Labor Day, like most civilized and respected schools have been doing it since the 60s. However, I live in the real world. I start back to work officially on August 10th. A mere 5 days away.
August is one of my favorite months. People are getting ready for fall in 100 degree weather, magazines tout the latest summer peach pie recipe, and football previews begin even before the World Series is in sight…or even the playoffs. August is one of those sociopathic months. One can’t get a foothold on which season to celebrate. But, for me…it’s the end of vacation…no matter when it ends.
Here’s my recap…most of which is already on the blog…but tonight I am retrospectful.
- Ran San Diego Rock N Roll marathon relay with my coach, Mike and Glenn, my favorite people ever. Met many Twitter folk, ran with and played with and connected with…
- Did the Udder Run 5 miler, in honor of the Hilmar High track team…a race I will always run, because unlike Rock N Roll, it’s small town, home town fun run…complete with annoying lady on the microphone…year after year. And we keep coming back.
- I ran the San Francisco Half Marathon, and have officially started training for Marine Corps Marathon.
2. Dating. Or Not.
- Stepping my toes back into these waters after 18 years has certainly been eye opening. Out of all the people I met and dated, I mostly lost my heart to a kiss on the east coast. I had not done this in so long, that I was simply unprepared for the headiness of someone telling you you’re gorgeous, and can you please come back, and I think about you all the time. I had dinners with others. I emailed and talked and texted and phoned. But I couldn’t shake the man…and then I realized it wasn’t the man…it was the feeling of maybe MAYBE falling into that *relationship* thing. I lied to myself once again, saying I didn’t want that. When in reality, I don’t want a relationship if I am the same. And I am, as of yet…the same.
- San Diego for the race
- Virginia for my uncle’s funeral and said mentioned kiss.
- Bass Lake for my annual trek to my childhood.
- San Antonio for the 75th AA International Convention.
- San Francisco countless times for games, runs, friends.
- Cambria with my youngest son, on a trip all our own. To remember why I’m sober.
- My oldest son turns 13 years old on Friday. I sent him to the Boy Scout Jamboree for 2.5 weeks, and he is coming back a teenager. We painted his new room. And I saw a text he sent to his little brother that nearly made me weep:
- Hey Buddy, take care of Mom and don’t forget to feed the dogs and I love you and I can’t wait to see you.
- I painted a room for the first time.
- I learned how to face down a mortgage company and win.
- I discovered that I am not ready. Just am not. That I still have some of the major -isms that I had 31 years ago when I had my last drink. That romance and finance are still ass kickers for me, and that I need God and prayer so much more today than I did the day I got sober.
August: A wistful month. Reflection and Hope. Regret and Change. Can’t decide whether or not to look back or look forward. Which fruit to make in a cobbler. How much weight I didn’t lose and all the miles I ran. It’s Get Ready for Kindergarden Month, coupled with Cataract Awareness Month. And it’s the last month, the last chance for your very favorite baseball team to get their act together. August gives you lemons with the sugar. Embrace it.