I would like to ask you for a few things for Christmas, if you could spare the time. I’ve been very good this year. I trained for two marathons. I raced at least 12 races in very obscure places like French Camp and Hilmar. I’ve supported High School track teams, and sent money to runners who were raising money. I’ve spent lots of money on race entry fees and hotels and flights. I’ve been really a great friend on Twitter. I would like to ask for a few things this year for Christmas.
- Mizunos: I’ve purchased 3 pairs of Mizunos this year. THREE. Could you please ask the Mizuno people to make a shoe that doesn’t go flat immediately? I would really appreciate it if my shoes could last for more than 250 miles. Unfortunately, Santa, I’ve tried other shoes. I tried a New Balance. It didn’t work, just like the slippers I got one year from my Grandma. Please Santa.
- Race Fees: Santa, I am willing to pay race fees. The best course costs a lot, but they provided a lot. Both LA and MCM and Fresno marathons were stock full of goodies along the way, fabulous expos, tons of drinks, excellent food. Never ran out. But, hey, could you talk to the RockN Roll people? I totally spent a ton of money, and got bagels and bananas as a post race food. Really Santa? Not even a WHOLE banana.
- Gu. Or Gu-like Substances: Santa, could you please make me some nutritional substance that doesn’t remind me of well, you know…? I can barely stomach that stuff, but when I’m racing, I just really cannot put that in my mouth. Could you please maybe make a TOPICAL substance that will absorb into my skin so I don’t have to have the hurlific feeling I get in my stomach?
- Half Marathons of Death: Santa, some race organizers make race routes in really crazy places, like the Davis Half Marathon. They so try to avoid a flat course, that the whole thing winds around and around and around. And yeah, while we’re at it, could you make the organizers avoid tunnels like at Nike Women’s Half Marathon? Tunnels and curvy roads. A little bit is okay. A lot is…yanno…annoying.
- Glasses and/or Better Eyes: Is there any way Santa that you can either give me better eyes or provide with some on course glasses? As you can see from the Mammoth Rocks Race, I uploaded a picture of me from my phone that was nearly pornographic. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to show off the medal. It didn’t. No, not so much. I can’t read my phone on the course, and I can’t carry glasses, so you know…that would have saved me some embarrassment.
- My hat: Santa, I talked to the Sugoi people. To the Title Nine People. To my coach. I need my hat. If you could only give me one gift, I’d really like that hat back. Here’s a picture of it in case you think I’ve been good enough. I’m even willing to put a really bad photo up to show you how much I want that hat back.
- Sub 5 Marathon: Santa, this is the last thing I’ll ask you for. Seriously, dude. I’m the girl with the attitude. I’m the girl who makes stupid signs for runners. I never ever bandit a race. I don’t wear race shirts until I have run the race. I don’t cut corners. I have trained my butt off and fell short both times this year. I thought LA was my race. It wasn’t. Then I did MCM with my coach, and got vertigo on the course. Santa, I was ready. I was trained. And, I’ve decided to go to LA. So Santa. Listen up, dude. I’ve got the mojo. I’m registered by one of your elves. I’m going back to my town. Couldja please find it in your heart to gimme the focus, the drive and the heart to carry out this sub 5 goal? I promise to be very very good next year too.