@lamarathon redemption

and so i face my biggest fear.

it’s not the marathon.  not even a little bit.

because i’ve done 3. 

nike, los angeles, marine corps

and i know it will be hard.

they’re supposed to be hard.

they’re marathons

and i was gonna be done.

save for a man named peter. who said no…come back.

and now. after months of tired legs

and hanson training,

i look forward to my favorite course.

dodger stadium

taiko drummers

transvestite cheerleaders

oranges and jewelry in beverly hills

and even though the hill at disney concert hall

is maybe the hardest hill i’ve ever faced,

it does not compare to that long stretch

and mile 18 or is it 19?

where last year i was running with a group

and trying to keep this girl’s braids in sight

she was wearing purple

and i saw dark.

and my stomach could take it no more

off into the bushes i went

heaving.

and my legs were on the course and i couldn’t even move them

out of the way

and this lady says “oh look! she hit the wall”

and i didn’t even the energy to scowl.

the cop just stared at me

the salon pas group was across the way

spraying, spraying, spraying

the ambulance

them saying you must. get. in.

i say

is my blood pressure okay? my heartbeat?

they say, yeah.

but you have to go with us.  or get on the bus. and go back to the start.

and i say i can’t. my dad is there. i have to get up.

45 minutes later.

i was crushed…but i had to get to the end.

and i did.

at 6:57.

and so. back i go on sunday.

to the city of angels.  to the city of my birth.

and i wonder if i can run past that spot

and keep running.

without crying.  without shaking.

and i take that little lost los angeles girl

and i pick her up and dust her off

and i bring her to the finish line…

and i.  i will be cheering the loudest.