I missed all the signs. For years.

He had an affair with her for 8 years of our marriage. On and off.

He left an 18 month old and 3 year old.
And, he left their mother to go to her, until those boys were 10 & 12. And she did the same. 5 children and 2 spouses between them.

He went on trips.
He spent our money on hotels.
He slept with his best friend’s wife.

She sat two rows behind my little family in church for years.

She cleaned my house.
She babysat my kids.

We didn’t have a chance. She was simply always there.

I married an addict. Who is now with another addict…because ours was not the only marriage she damaged. I said to our therapist “he told half truths”, and she said…”no…he lied…to you, and in therapy”

We spent countless dollars on therapy and marriage encounter weekends. And I could never quite figure out why he wasn’t that into it.

I simply missed the signs.

And it’s been two years since I confronted him and he was suicidal and apologetic and bereft.

And I am so grateful not to be with him because I am clearly in love with Harley guy.

However. Today. Today for the first time she shows up with him at my son’s soccer game. Because after all of that, he stayed with her.

And my girlfriends are texting me and we are laughing and most are disgusted…and I am disgusted…

Yet. I can’t shake the sadness. Sad that the little girl inside of me believed him when he lied.

And longtime readers know that I’ve dealt with this since the inception of this blog.

And today. Today is a new day…and I want to throw rocks. Yet I sit here…and write this post…and I thank God for my new life. And for you. The people who held me up the whole time.

I’m still standing. I bite a hole in my cheek when my boys tell me about them. I smile and nod when they mention them.

And I look at my man who knows of this trauma. Who taught me what lying snakes do. Who teaches me every day that I don’t have to be afraid.

And. I am blessed…

One thought on “I missed all the signs

  1. I’m sure I’ve said this before. We don’t drive our car forward by looking in the rear view mirror. That is what has passed. What has happened. Look out the windshield and make sure you don’t hit the tree in front of you…..

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