“Tell the truth and run.”
Anonymous, Yugoslav Proverb
i’m not supposed to say this.
but i race against you when i run.
i’m supposed to say i race against myself. i race against my time. i race against my demons.
but it’s not true.
i do chase you.
i look at you on the course, and if you are older and bigger, i think to myself. “hey, i can catch you…” and that turns into “hey why can’t i catch you?” this came to light during the nike women’s marathon when a tnt runner who was 3x my size stayed ahead of me. the whole way.
if i can catch you? and you’re younger? i strut. i brag. i shout my prowess.
but if i can’t? i say things like, “well i was having a bad day”, “i had vertigo”, ” i didn’t have enough fuel”. when really, the truth is…i just didn’t have it that day.
and, i try to make it something different. i had to stop and massage someone’s legs. and i do that because my race is out of reach, so as to not throw you off to that, i want you to see how altruistic i am.
during my first nike, i knew none of this. i was a virgin. a neophyte. i was thrilled to finish, and i didn’t know that 6 hours was the cutoff when i ran in at 5:57 and change. in los angeles the next year, i got dizzy. i passed out. i had a 7 hour marathon, but dammit, i finished and i was proud. i was glad at the end that i still had some legs left. i ran in with an old man my age and we both were slow. but we were honest. we were slow! at mcm last halloween, i got vertigo on the course. dizzy. but in reflection, my coach had just turned to me and said “you’re looking great”…and 4 miles later i couldn’t take that hope. it was my own deal. i just was pissed. not at him. at me. at missing some key runs. at trying to do a tweetup the day before. i am just not that happy go lucky pre marathon. i ran a 5:59 race, and i credit him for getting me in that fast. i stress. in los angeles this year, it was monsooning. i was in by 6:04. but you know what? i was a badass that day. anyone who ran that know that to finish that marathon was a huge accomplishment.
if someone wants to know what my time was, i never am ashamed. i ran my first marathon at 50. i may not have the dna to be a marathoner, but i have the heart. if you want to know how i did then look me up online. it’s everywhere!
i want to be faster, thinner, stronger, have more endurance. i really do. but the truth is, i’m slowing down. so much so that lately, i’m thrilled when i can run a 12:00 mile. in my dreams i bq at age 60. i can make it through a whole marathon without wanting someone to take me off the course. but in reality? i can do 3 right now…strongly. and because i’m just starting another training cycle, i know that will change. but that’s the TRUTH right now.
i am not politically correct. i definitely race someone on a course. i’m so excited when i pass someone. i am chasing you. i want you to push me. i want to do this. yeah, sometimes i’m on my own and in my own head, but really?
i wanna beat you.
“There ain’t no shame looking at a good runner’s back. Now, if the
runner sucks, that’s something else entirely…”
The Rage, Training Tips