“Tell the truth and run.”
Anonymous, Yugoslav Proverb

i’m not supposed to say this.

but i race against you when i run.

i’m supposed to say i race against myself.  i race against my time.  i race against my demons.

but it’s not true.

i do chase you. 

i look at you on the course, and if you are older and bigger, i think to myself.  “hey, i can catch you…” and that turns into “hey why can’t i catch you?”  this came to light during the nike women’s marathon when a tnt runner who was 3x my size stayed ahead of me.  the whole way. 

if i can catch you?  and you’re younger?  i strut.  i brag.  i shout my prowess. 

but if i can’t?  i say things like, “well i was having a bad day”, “i had vertigo”, ” i didn’t have enough fuel”.  when really, the truth is…i just didn’t have it that day.

and, i try to make it something different.  i had to stop and massage someone’s legs.  and i do that because my race is out of reach, so as to not throw you off to that, i want you to see how altruistic i am.

during my first nike, i knew none of this.  i was a virgin.  a neophyte.  i was thrilled to finish, and i didn’t know that 6 hours was the cutoff when i ran in at 5:57 and change.  in los angeles the next year, i got dizzy.  i passed out.  i had a 7 hour marathon, but dammit, i finished and i was proud.  i was glad at the end that i still had some legs left.  i ran in with an old man my age and we both were slow.  but we were honest.  we were slow!  at mcm last halloween, i got vertigo on the course.  dizzy.  but in reflection, my coach had just turned to me and said “you’re looking great”…and 4 miles later i couldn’t take that hope.  it was my own deal.  i just was pissed.  not at him. at me.  at missing some key runs.  at trying to do a tweetup the day before.  i am just not that happy go lucky pre marathon.  i ran a 5:59 race, and i credit him for getting me in that fast.  i stress.  in los angeles this year, it was monsooning.  i was in by 6:04.  but you know what?  i was a badass that day.  anyone who ran that know that to finish that marathon was a huge accomplishment.

if someone wants to know what my time was, i never am ashamed.  i ran my first marathon at 50.  i may not have the dna to be a marathoner, but i have the heart.  if you want to know how i did then look me up online.  it’s everywhere!  

i want to be faster, thinner, stronger, have more endurance.  i really do.  but the truth is, i’m slowing down.  so much so that lately, i’m thrilled when i can run a 12:00 mile.  in my dreams i bq at age 60.  i can make it through a whole marathon without wanting someone to take me off the course.  but in reality? i can do 3 right now…strongly.  and because i’m just starting another training cycle, i know that will change.  but that’s the TRUTH right now.

i am not politically correct.  i definitely race someone on a course.  i’m so excited when i pass someone.  i am chasing you.  i want you to push me.  i want to do this.  yeah, sometimes i’m on my own and in my own head, but really? 

i wanna beat you.

“There ain’t no shame looking at a good runner’s back. Now, if the
runner sucks, that’s something else entirely…”
The Rage, Training Tips

7 thoughts on “…in which i am politically incorrect

  1. LOL…I sooooo could have written this. I am never, ever so happy than when I pass the 70 year old runner and heaven forbid a walker pass me? Oh no you dint!

  2. Soooo, at my first marathon in Philly, as my husband was waiting for me at the finish, he saw the 80-year old guy come over the finish line and thought he missed me. You’re not the only one, girlfriend. At MCM on Sunday I will be running with the 5:30 pace group. I can only hope to finish with them.

    On another note, glad to see you’re running again! Miss you on Twitter…

  3. If anyone would bother to ask me I would have told them…you are a ruthless competitor throwing your friend who traveled half way across the country to run with you under the bus or you out of the way! Ha!!!

    Wonder if we will ever get to race together again:(

  4. Running against myself only happens if I’m the only one around where I’m running. Competition is natural. If you’re in front of me, I want to change that asafp. Cheers!

  5. I totally try to pass people.
    So sad you aren’t gonna be at MCM this year. Loved hanging with you last year. You got that spark, woman, that not many people have. You’re fantastic!

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