I have spent the morning watching triathlon videos.  Browsing the triathalon websites.  Watching Lance.   The man survived cancer, and won Hawaii yesterday.  I’m sure that this little stress fracture is NOTHING compared to that.

Am I too old?  I don’t own a bike.  I have a pool.  I have a cast.  Oh yeah.

Here’s the deal, though.  I watched the videos and the only thing that got my heart revved up and burning was watching the runners.  I want to run.  And now.  I nearly ripped this cast off last night, but I’m trying to be patient.

Speaking of burning:  I tell Hoss this morning that I have the familiar burning.  Fucking chest burn.  Familiar.  And he says,

Accept it.  Try saying, “hello little burning, how are you?”.  Then hold it in your open heart.  Treat it with kindness.

And so I start giggling.  Because, I NEVER treat myself with kindness and gentleness.  Especially when I’ve fallen off the proverbial wagon.  I will spend all day kicking myself and saying what were you thinking and how did this happen…and on and on.

So I said….Hello Little Burning.  How are you?

And.  That’s when I started watching triathlon videos.  I got no answer.  I just know at this point, the burn needs to go somewhere, and perhaps focusing on what my body CAN do, instead of what it CANNOT do, is the answer.

I spend the morning with our ritual donut trek to the neighboring town, my oldest and I.  We sit and eat and talk.  I come home to more blessings than I ever thought possible.

So.   Is the triathlon a pipe dream?  Maybe.  But it doesn’t really matter.   The little familiar burn headed me in that direction today, and that is where I will go.  Heading out to the gym.  Me, and my little friend.

One thought on “pipe. dream.

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