I’m in a holding pattern.

In the last few weeks, I’ve become quiet to the issue of running or not running again.  My body is starting to forget that I used to run.  My running shoes are now gym shoes.  Going to the market shoes.  My clothing is tucked away…and I have slowly watched myself get out of running mode.

Losing running this Summer was devastating at first.  I’m not an overly fit person normally.  I found running at such a late stage of my life, that it was really not part of my persona.  But.  It is now.  I look longingly at people running in the heat…like a dog at the window wanting to go outside.

So, I tried not to gain too much weight (I think I’m at 7 pounds right now), and I tried to do the best I could at getting in exercise…and also became aware that I might not be able to run again.  Ever.  So, I’ve done a little grieving about it, and have gotten into acceptance.

In one week I go to the doctor.  If he says I can’t run, I will be okay.  I have enough of everything I’ve ever needed.  I have so far been blessed with 3 years of runs and races.  I have met friends that I have reconnected with, who don’t run anymore either, or have shifted away from that obsessive-compulsive behavior…who are more well-rounded.  They have shared with me ways they dealt with the shift of a new type of life…not one where every weekend is built around a race.

Still.  I am hoping for the best.  I am hoping I can run right out of the doctor’s office.  If not, I have accepted my limitations…and I’m okay with that.

5 thoughts on “acceptance.

  1. I had my orthopedic guy recently remind me (sternly) that no running means NO RUNNING EVEN ON A TREADMILL WHAT WERE YOU THINKING (is pretty much the way I heard him). I think learning to accept that which we cannot change is tough, because we are always hoping that we might be able to tweak it just a little and change it just a smidge. I hope you get nothing but GREAT news from your doctor and you know what? No matter what that news is, it will be great!

  2. Here is hoping you get the news you WANT as well as the news that is in your best interest…hey, sometimes they can be the same thing, right?

  3. With an injury that lasts awhile, sometimes I think we feel surprised and guilty if we don’t miss running desperately the whole time. But I try to look at it as a good thing – that I can adapt, accept, and enjoy other activities. If you want running back, you can have it, though you may have to work at getting back in the “wanting to run” mental groove, just as you’ll have to work at getting back into the physical act of running.

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