This is a day that I do not relish.  It’s a bitter day for me, one that I cannot memorialize any better than in a very personal way.  Last year I wrote

Instead I Ran 4 Miles. , where I ran a mile for each plane that had a plane full of people, diving at our country.

In 2009 & 2010, I couldn’t blog.  I was struck by the enormity of my own situation in such a manner that I was immobilized for many months.

In 2008, I made Patriot’s Chili, sort of a play on words…something about football, and something about Patriot’s Day.

My first bloggy post about 9-11, was the first year I had the blog, in 2007.

Today, I woke up with just a sickening feeling.  I couldn’t shake it.  Because so much has changed since that day.  What I remember:

  • Standing in front of my TV.  Watching the towers.
  • Taking my child to preschool, only to find that it was closed.
  • Spending all day with Jennifer at Starbucks.  Because everything was closed.
  • Church services all over the city.  Holding hands.  Praying.
  • FDNY shirts.

But what I cannot shake…the feeling that everything we believe in changed that day.  We will never be the same.  And, maybe that’s supposed to be.  Life happens, and worlds spin out of control in a matter of moments.  Words spoken can’t be taken back, accidents can’t be undone, and planes can’t unfly into our hearts.

Until I can make personal sense of 9-11, I will continue to be simply bereft on this day.

God Bless America.

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