It’s 3am on Valentine’s Day.
This is the day I did not want to write about. It’s not really about Saba. It’s about meeting myself.
I leave the meeting of like minded fellows, of which there are four of us. I had gone snorkeling that day. Swam with a Sea Turtle. A barracuda, who eyed me suspiciously. I had done the whole “leave your phone behind” thing, but now wish I could have captured the BLUE BLUE BLUE of the Caribbean Sea surrounding Saba. I couldn’t look away from the COLOR.
On this boat were five divers, and four snorkelers. We head out to the Bay, and for the first time in 25 years, I am underwater, and I cannot stop. I cannot stop looking. I don’t want to come up for air.
On this ride, however, I had a can of Pringles. That’s it. That night, I had a bag of sweet potato chips. That’s it. And some herbal tea.
It’s 3am. I have been battling ants and anger and bugs for 4 hours. And hurting. And lonely. I called United. I called my sponsor. How do I get off this island? GET ME HOME! I was crazy. Truly. I need my people. I need to re-engage with my life and my energy!! I finally reactivated Facebook, saying, listen, if these are fake friendships, then let me have them. I don’t give a shit.
I am not alone. But I am. Then, this quote by James Joyce:
“Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home.”
It’s the only way. The long way. I had to come 3600 miles to face the woman that I am. I am not alone. Here’s something. I saw this beautiful piece of jewelry on my friend Jo, and I said, I can’t wear that, because I have a bad neck, and she says, “You don’t have a bad neck, you have a bad head.”
I finally, gratefully, fall asleep at 4am. I miss the morning rain that everyone is raving about at breakfast. However. I’ve had my own storm. And just like the morning after. I am at peace.
I wake in the morning, and buy the necklace.